"F" is for Feelings, ugh

I’ve posted about this subject before so writing this blog was not a difficult one. Have you ever had someone tell you when you were upset, “Don’t be upset?” Doesn’t really help, does it? Many times when someone does that, it just leads to feeling more upset. This type of situation typically induces thoughts such as, “If I could turn it off, I would,” and “Oh, ok, because you told me to not be upset then I won’t.” The thought that we have no control over our emotions is rampant throughout our culture.  For example:

“You can’t help what you feel.”

“That’s just how I feel. I can’t help it.”

“I wish I could change the way I feel, but I just can’t.”

“I can’t help but love him/her.”

(Cute picture. Stupid quote.)

 All of those statements reflect a general consensus of society as a whole. These are phrases I hear uttered on almost a daily basis. I hear it from strangers in the coffee shop, characters on TV and in movies, from my clients, and from friends as they share their woes.

I challenge the idea that we have no control over our emotions. I think people who say the previous phrases are not giving themselves nearly enough credit. Doing so makes us a victim of our own emotions when emotions were to make things interesting, not to tether us to negativity.

Our emotions and our resulting behavior stem from what we tell our selves about the given situation. One boy gets rear-ended in traffic and goes ballistic on the other driver. Another boy in the same situation calmly gets out of his car and exchanges insurance information. What makes these boys different from one another? If our emotions are controlled by our situation, then these boys should have reacted the same way. However, the first boy was telling himself that being rear-ended was unacceptable and shouldn’t have happened. This belief led to his meltdown. The second boy was telling himself that this situation is unfortunate but it could have been worse. This belief led to him being calm and doing what was necessary to resolve the situation. The first boy was a victim of his own emotions and the second was empowered by his emotions.

Let’s talk about love, shall we? Now, I don’t believe love to be an emotion but that’s a blog for another time. Love is, however, another place that people have a tendency to believe that they have no choice. Recently, on a popular TV show someone uttered the statement, “You can’t help who you love.”

Not true. You can. God created us with a heart AND a brain. God gave us a command to love. John 13:34-35 says, “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” If you couldn’t help who you love then God’s command to love one another would be redundant or at worst, a trap setting us up to fail. What makes a command a command instead of a statement is that the person being commanded has a choice to comply or not. If we had no choice then the scripture passage would read, “I give you a new statement: We will love one another.” Jesus chose to love us and thus we choose to love one another….or to not love one another.

 Don’t convince yourself that you are tied down by what you feel or who you love. Instead, you can be empowered by how you feel and how you love. Arguably, the most popular verse regarding empowerment is 2 Timothy 1:7. While the context of the verse is in regards to a calling of God to boldness in sharing the faith. I find that completely applicable to this subject. “For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” This verse speaks to having a heart (love) and a brain (sound judgment). Let your love give you power to be the person that God has called you to be: a person with emotions, love, and a brain all working together.