"L" is for Longitude and Latitude

In 1985, a woman named Julie Gold wrote a song called, “From a Distance.” This song was recorded by several artists but the most famous was the version recorded by Bette Midler. The song went on to get the Grammy for song of the year in 1991. Recently, the song popped up on my #TBT Spotify playlist. It really is a beautiful song and I was reminded once again of how talented Bette Midler is. Her voice is distinctive without being abrasive.

Anyway, as I listened to the song, I remember some of the “controversy” the song caused by using the phrase, “God is watching us from a distance.” Evangelicals got all up in arms saying that God is not just at a distance from us. Yes, He’s watching but He’s with us. They claimed that the song was perpetuating the hands-off approach of Godly rule. They claimed that it undermined the goal of personal relationship with Jesus.

Why do people have to make such a big deal out of things?

Is it possible that there are so many other things that are deserving of a stand over their interpretation of this song?

Let me give you a different perspective of the song. Being a Christian most of life and being involved in the treating of addictions, I have heard the Lord’s Prayer SO MANY TIMES. I also have several family members that are Catholic so, of course, every wedding and funeral has multiple recitations of it, though they don’t finish it. I mean, come on, “Thine is the power and the glory forever and ever,” is kind of an important point.

Anyway, with that being said, it seems to me that From a Distance just seems to echo the sentiment at the beginning of the Lord’s Prayer that says, “Our Father, who art in heaven.” That seems like quite a distance to me. But is it?

I’ve had the tremendous privilege to have Darril Deaton as my pastor for many, many years. Whenever speaking about the Lord’s Prayer, he states that the statement, “Our Father, who art in heaven…” is not about location, it is about position. I don’t mean position in the cosmos or the latitude and longitude of our position. No, I mean position as in the role we play: our role as human as opposed to the role of God. We, humans, can’t be in heaven right now, but God can. In fact, wherever God is, is heaven.* We don’t make a location heaven just by our very presence. We can’t. But God can because of who He is. So, my thinking is, when it comes to the song, that yes, God is watching us from a distance—the distance between Creator and creation.

The distance between Physician and patient.

The distance between Father and child.

The distance between Savior and saved.

Ok, ok, I know the song is filled with imagery that is focused on location-type distance, but I challenge you to read the lyrics from the perspective of relational distance. For example, take the lyric, “From a distance you look like my friend even though we are at war.” If you can distance yourself from the conflict and just look at the person, do they not look like your friend? If you distance yourself from the arguments and differences could we not do as the scripture says in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone?”

Oh man, now Wind Beneath Wings has just come up in my #TBT playlist. I think Bette Midler had a thing for eagles.

* That’s biblical. I’m not just making it up. Read “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn, if you doubt me.

"K" is for Knowing Better

As I sit here in a coffee shop working, I can't help but overhear the women at the table next to me. I feel sorry for them because according to their conversation, everyone in their life is terrible.

They have not had one nice thing to say about anyone.

They've talked about coworkers, family, and random strangers.

All conversation has been critical and negative.

I have also heard the phrase, or some form of the phrase: "I'm not trying to be ugly but..." approximately every 5th or 6th sentence.

Now I have just heard them belly laugh over someone's mental illness. Not cool.

What first got me was that they were complaining about a Facebook friend of theirs that frequently posts about how much she loves her husband. Apparently, expressing your love for your spouse is irritating and mock worthy.

At first, I found myself getting angry. These types of conversations are what perpetuate the stereotype that women are caddy biddies who get together with "friends" to gossip. They should know better!

Then I remembered that I have done my fair share of venting and criticizing. Lately, I've made a conscious effort to not be as critical. Most do not know I've made that effort because it hasn't been obvious yet.

Why hasn't it been obvious yet? Because I am terrible at it.

What I have also noticed is that I have a tendency to be overly critical and gossipy when I'm in a bad mood. This bad mood can come from not feeling well to not having enough sleep or a circumstance that got me down.

Current circumstance: Women at the table next to me which is resulting in me being overly critical.

Just like them.

O Lord, please help me to be less critical and more understanding. Maybe these women are also having a bad circumstance. When I get overheard, may my conversation not put someone in the position of needing to be understanding. May I always be partaking in my favorite fruit (Joy) and may it be obvious to those around me. LORD, please help me to know better.

There is quite a bit of LOUD foul language involved as well and the Mennonites just walked in. This might get entertaining now.

PS: I did get my t-shirt that has my slogan on it: Joy is my favorite fruit. My sister with Adventure and Truth Designs made me one for Christmas.

"J" is for JOY

I have a couple of book ideas floating around in my head and one day I will actually put some more work into them. I have a basic outline for one of them…but I couldn’t tell you where it is. I have the introduction written for another. Again, I couldn’t tell you where it is. Probably somewhere in my office at the church that is currently a storage room (by my own doing, and I’m working on fixing it, don’t judge).

All that to say that while I am not good at making any headway on these projects, I am very good at coming up with the titles of the books that I’m going to write.

And I have another one.

It’s one of those phrases that I find myself saying and need to get on a t-shirt. Here it is:

It’s now copywrited.

Copywritten.

Copyrighted?

Copywrote?

You can’t have it!

Many people have this great idea for a life verse. “Life verse” is one of those Christian phrases that I usually find intolerable. So for those of you who might not know what a “life verse” is, allow me to direct you to this definition:

It's a Bible verse that means something special to a believer.1

I usually define it as someone’s favorite verse. Especially since it can change from time to time depending on what circumstance your life is in. Due to that fact alone is why I don’t like the term because the term “life verse” implies that it doesn’t change and that it lasts for your, um, life. I also don’t like the term because it is one of those things that Christians seem to insist that each of us have.

“What’s your life verse?”

“Oh, I don’t have one.”

**horrified gasp**

Anyway, if I had to pick one (which I don’t), it would be Nehemiah 8:10. Well, actually only half of the verse², so Nehemiah 8:10b: Do not grieve for the JOY of the Lord is your strength.

When I first read this, it made me pause. Strength? Hmm. Imma have to think about this one.

So, I did.

After some studying and reflecting (and prayer and stuff), I truly realized that I had been equating “joy” with “happiness.” They aren’t the same thing!!! God never told us to be happy. He told us to have JOY. Happiness is an emotion that is based on happenings. Happiness and happenings have the same root: Happen. Happiness is based upon what is happening. I don’t want to be emotionally ruled by what is happening around me.

Especially not in this day and age.

No!!! I want something that persists past that.

Enter: JOY³

Joy is not an emotion. It’s a fruit of the Spirit. Here’s the thing: It is easy to find happiness. It’s true! Don’t believe me?

Go take a bite of your favorite food.

Or hug your mom.⁴

Or read your favorite book.

Or watch your favorite movie.

Or drink a Dr Pepper.⁵

You feel happiness when you do these things. The hard part is making that happiness last. That’s why I want JOY because happiness goes away once the circumstances change.

But if I got JOY, then no matter the circumstance, I can weather through it.

But how do I get JOY? Ah, my friends, that part is easy, too. Since it’s a fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22⁶, one must simply seek after the Spirit.

The fruit of the Spirit is not just something you can pick and choose. You can’t simply say, “I’m really good with the self-control part but I’m weak in the patient part.”

This one might hurt a little.

If you are lacking in any, you are lacking in all.

You must build up your patience to build up your faithfulness. You must build up your kindness to build up your peace. You must build up your love to build up your joy.

When I say that joy is my favorite fruit, I’m not saying that it is more important than any other nor am I saying that it is the fruit that I am best at. Let’s see if I can give an example of what I mean. My husband has a couple of dress shirts that I picked out for him. When he wears the red one, he gets compliments from a couple of certain people. I think he looks great in that red shirt. I mean, come on, I picked it out. But I really like it when he wears the blue one. That’s my favorite. It’s makes his hazel eyes look bluer and I think he just looks hot. I still love him in that red shirt, but the blue is my favorite.

I love love and love peace. But JOY is my favorite.

Maybe that’s why Chewbacca mom, Candace Payne and I should be best friends.

****************************************************

¹ http://www.dictionaryofchristianese.com/life-verse/

² Now, don’t get me wrong, the first half of the verse is pretty awesome, too: “Go and eat what is rich, drink what is sweet, and send portions to those who have nothing prepared since today is holy to our Lord.” However, I don’t really need to keep reminding myself that I need to eat and drink.

³ Not the Inside Out character.

⁴ Or other favorite-type person.

⁵ Man, I miss Dr Pepper!

⁶ Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-controooOOOOOL

"I" is for Interpretation

sec·u·lar

/ˈsekyələr/

adjective

denoting attitudes, activities, or other things that have no religious or spiritual basis

sa·cred

/ˈsākrəd/

adjective

connected with God (or the gods) or dedicated to a religious purpose and so deserving veneration

What I’m about to say may come as a surprise to some but I don’t believe there is such a thing as secular music.

But Denise, what about all the songs about sex, drugs, and hate? You can’t possibly say that music is sacred!

Yes, I can. It isn’t the music that is secular. It’s the lyrics. I’m a big believer in the power of words. Words mean things. I like to look up the definitions of words to make sure that I am using the appropriate words to convey what I am meaning. I don’t want there to be any room for misinterpretation. Words are powerful. A well place group of words can change someone’s day for the better. They can let someone know what you are thinking and feeling about any given situation, person, or event. They can break down a person and strip them bare. They can break a heart or help heal one.

Words are powerful.

Therefore, lyrics are powerful. Lyrics can turn a heavenly sound into an earthly exultation. They can lift someone’s spirits or deepen a depression. They can help you see the face of God or connect with worldly desires. Lyrics are simply one person’s interpretation.

The music itself is made up of notes, melody, harmony, chord progressions, time signatures, and dynamics that are interpreted by various instruments that add different colors and shapes. The listener becomes the interpreter of the music as it evokes certain emotions and memories. The music itself is sacred, but the lyrics can bring an interpretation that is not.

Let me apply this to another area that is rather important to me. I had someone refer to secular psychology the other day. At first, I just read over it and did not think too much of it. Then I thought about it some more. The term psychology is not solely a secular concept. Just because the parents of most modern theories were developed and made famous by secular theorists does not take away from the sacredness of the concepts.

For example, Carl Rogers is one of the most well-known fathers of psychology. Though he grew up thinking that he was going to go into the ministry, Rogers became an atheist and was quite evangelical about it. One of his big concepts is that of unconditional positive regard (UPR). UPR is not a secular concept! It took an atheist to tell the psychological world about taking care regardless of class, age, race, economics, or even personality.

Again, it’s a matter of interpretation. Psychology, or any kind of science, is not a secular field. It is the people involved in it that interpret it as secular or sacred. As a Christian counselor who has worked for secular companies, all I do is Christian counseling.

Does that mean that you can only see people who are Christians? Does that mean if you see someone who isn’t a Christian that you spend your session trying to convert them or just talking about the Bible?

No, the answer is no. Throughout my career, I’ve seen atheists, Buddhists, Hindus, homosexuals, transgender, active drug users, rapists, those on parole or probation, and pretty much any other category that you might want to drop someone into. I can help someone through the skills of psychology and the love of Jesus without proselytizing. I can use psychological concepts and skills from a Christian perspective. I stand firm to my beliefs and my Jesus and I allow the Holy Spirit to do His thing. I have never had someone leave my care because they thought I was pushing Jesus on them but I have had many client tell me that they left one certain therapist because they felt that they were being preached to. I can also tell you that I have had the opportunity to share my faith with a client on numerous occasions simply because I showed them unconditional positive regard even while having an opposing belief system.

Interpretation is the thing. 

"H" is for Horrible Bosses

Back in April I started a challenge that I never finished because I can never seem to finish those type of things. Well, I'm picking it back up today. It originally was an April challenge but I obviously failed only making it to the 7th letter. Maybe I'll actually complete it before April comes around again. Anyway, "H" is for Horrible Bosses.

No, I'm not talking about the movie. I've never seen the movie and there is not a plan to see it, either. No, this is about real horrible bosses. I'm not talking about my boss(es) but someone who is very dear to me (who did not give me permission to post about this) has just been shafted by her horrible bosses. This particular shafting is just another one in a long list of questionable choices they have made. Their behavior has confirmed much of my disillusionment with the American church. 

My feelings toward the American church are not about the people. I love God's people and spending time with them and serving them and serving with them is one of my favorite things in the world. 

However, much of the church leadership has led to a shift in my attitude. 

It is not a shift for the better. 

I am extremely fortunate to be working at a church where the leadership is not too big for their britches. They seek to do God's will and serve Him and His people in the best way possible. That includes teaching His word and loving. Grace Fellowship is place where people love. It's that simple.

Just simply loving people. No matter what.

It is this church that has helped me understand what it means to "love people to the cross" and not just stand on your beliefs of what the worst sins are in the hopes that it "set an example." Ugh!* 

However, I have been put in the position to either experience first-hand or watch others experience the holier-than-thou-I'm-a-spiritual-giant-so-of-course-I'm-right attitude that many American Christians have. It's like they take people who disagree with them as the great persecution of those called by God. Being in a leadership position in a church or ministry does leave one open for a higher level of scrutiny and even attack. But not every person who has an opposing opinion or a suggestion is the proverbial thorn in their side. God could be using those people to help correct where they have gone awry. **

Let me give you an example of the OPPOSITE of my complaint: I've seen my pastor take a smack down, finger-wagging, scolding with humility. I've watched him analyze himself and his actions and take the scolding that he took to make him a better minister. It would have been so easy for him to dismiss what that person said to him. He didn't. He knows he's human and makes mistakes. He knows that, just like the rest of us, we may need some correction from people that love him. 

These previously mentioned horrible bosses seem to have this idea that everything they do is God-ordained and anyone that has even a small deviation from their way of doing things, is not in God's plan. I know I'm probably being overly critical but I'm pissed. 

My disillusionment with the American church is that I see a lack of true, God-centered love. The kind of "love" I see the most often is one that is self-serving and ends in a badge that can be worn that says, "Look at me! I loved someone!"

To that person that is so very dear to me: your horrible bosses are now somebody else's problem. I love you.

Now, where do I get my badge?

*Please don't misunderstand me. I do think it is important to not compromise your standards or convictions. However, our job is to love. If we think someone else's sin is worth protesting than why aren't we protesting outside your house for that lie you told last week or the Facebooking you do at work on company time? 

**Coincidentally, there a great new book out that can be ordered from Amazon for your Kindle or paperback. It's called 15 Reason Why Things Happen by Darril Deaton. Great book. Don't forget to read the forward. 

"G" is for Giggle

When did it become unmasculine to giggle? When did that word become associated with girlie things? Is it associated with girlie things? Am I just making that up? Or am I simply projecting what others have said to me when I've commented on their giggles?

I'm gonna go with the last one. He's gonna be mad at me for saying this, but here goes:

My husband giggles.

He does! He hates it when I say that because he says that men don't giggle. Well, I looked up the definition of giggle in the dictionary and this is what it says:

gig·gle

/ˈɡiɡəl/

verb

laugh lightly in a nervous, affected, or silly manner.

noun
a light, silly laugh.

No where in that definition does it say that it is unmanly or girlie. And no, I didn't just cut off the defintion to suit my purposes. I find giggles to be very endearing. I love it when my husband giggles. It is such a joyful sound because he doesn't do it when he's nervous. He only does it when he finds something surprisingly funny but not guffaw-funny. 

By the way, his guffaw is also a favorite of mine.

"F" is for Feelings, ugh

I’ve posted about this subject before so writing this blog was not a difficult one. Have you ever had someone tell you when you were upset, “Don’t be upset?” Doesn’t really help, does it? Many times when someone does that, it just leads to feeling more upset. This type of situation typically induces thoughts such as, “If I could turn it off, I would,” and “Oh, ok, because you told me to not be upset then I won’t.” The thought that we have no control over our emotions is rampant throughout our culture.  For example:

“You can’t help what you feel.”

“That’s just how I feel. I can’t help it.”

“I wish I could change the way I feel, but I just can’t.”

“I can’t help but love him/her.”

(Cute picture. Stupid quote.)

 All of those statements reflect a general consensus of society as a whole. These are phrases I hear uttered on almost a daily basis. I hear it from strangers in the coffee shop, characters on TV and in movies, from my clients, and from friends as they share their woes.

I challenge the idea that we have no control over our emotions. I think people who say the previous phrases are not giving themselves nearly enough credit. Doing so makes us a victim of our own emotions when emotions were to make things interesting, not to tether us to negativity.

Our emotions and our resulting behavior stem from what we tell our selves about the given situation. One boy gets rear-ended in traffic and goes ballistic on the other driver. Another boy in the same situation calmly gets out of his car and exchanges insurance information. What makes these boys different from one another? If our emotions are controlled by our situation, then these boys should have reacted the same way. However, the first boy was telling himself that being rear-ended was unacceptable and shouldn’t have happened. This belief led to his meltdown. The second boy was telling himself that this situation is unfortunate but it could have been worse. This belief led to him being calm and doing what was necessary to resolve the situation. The first boy was a victim of his own emotions and the second was empowered by his emotions.

Let’s talk about love, shall we? Now, I don’t believe love to be an emotion but that’s a blog for another time. Love is, however, another place that people have a tendency to believe that they have no choice. Recently, on a popular TV show someone uttered the statement, “You can’t help who you love.”

Not true. You can. God created us with a heart AND a brain. God gave us a command to love. John 13:34-35 says, “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” If you couldn’t help who you love then God’s command to love one another would be redundant or at worst, a trap setting us up to fail. What makes a command a command instead of a statement is that the person being commanded has a choice to comply or not. If we had no choice then the scripture passage would read, “I give you a new statement: We will love one another.” Jesus chose to love us and thus we choose to love one another….or to not love one another.

 Don’t convince yourself that you are tied down by what you feel or who you love. Instead, you can be empowered by how you feel and how you love. Arguably, the most popular verse regarding empowerment is 2 Timothy 1:7. While the context of the verse is in regards to a calling of God to boldness in sharing the faith. I find that completely applicable to this subject. “For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” This verse speaks to having a heart (love) and a brain (sound judgment). Let your love give you power to be the person that God has called you to be: a person with emotions, love, and a brain all working together.