Oldie but a Goodie

Six or so years ago, I used to work as a transporter for the cath lab in a hospital. If you're curious as to what a transporter does, it's not nearly as cool as what Jason Statham does. What I did was go pick the patients up from their rooms for their procedure and then when their procedure was done, take them to recovery.

I also was the general poopsmith. I had to put patients on bed pans (and everything that entails), empty urinals, stop a lot of bleeding, and take a lot of crap from the scrub techs.

Of course that was not important to the story, I just wanted to put a link to the poopsmith.

Anyway, I know that there are many people who actually do look older than they are and must toil with such a sentiment. Not me. Let me relay a conversation I had with one of the patients at the hospital:

Patient (on stretcher as I am pushing them down the hallway): Don't you have to be 18 to work at this hospital?

Me: Yes, ma'am.

Patient: Then how did you slip through? You don't look a day over 16!

Me: Ma'am, I'm 24.

Patient: I don't believe it! You look like you can barely drive! Really, how old are you really?

Me: Honestly, ma'am, I'm 24.

Patient: What year were you born?

Me: 1979

Patient: I suppose that's right, I can't do math in my head. But you probably prepared for the question.

Me: You know what? You're right. I'm not 24, I'm actually 39. I was in a massive car accident when I was 16 years old. My friend was driving and a semi hit my side of the car. I had to have extensive surgery on my face to reattach my nose. All the surgery cut off the nerves receptors that cause my face to age. So therefore, as the rest of my body ages, my face will always look 16 years old.

Patient: *gasp* Really?

Me: Yeah, you want to see my liver spots?

Now, some people get offended when they are placed at a younger age. Not me. When I'm 40+ I'm gonna be dying for people to say that I look younger. Heck, I'm 30 and I'm already loving it.